What's happening to me lately?

Sunday, 3:27pm. Ramazan....work day....

So what's new?
So much...The latest and most obvious to me is how comfortable I feel in Kabul now.
I am comfortable. I feel at home.
My Vietnam keeps beating inside of me but not in a painful way, just as a part of me as much as Honduras is.
Life is interesting, I have many good laughs, I do work I enjoy, I get to teach design, I get to design handmade products,
I am learning Dari(Persian) and I have many wonderful trips planned ahead.
This Wednesday I leave to Herat, a town up north, close to Iran. I'll be there a week. I'll give 2 workshops: Elements of Design and Color Theory. My lovely Nasreen Jaan will come with me, she is the person I am closest to and she has filled my days with the best of whole-hearted good laughter.
Then there's Asif, who is a male version of me, personality-wise so we just spend work days cracking up at each other. He is my newest spanish student. And it's amazing to me how seriously he has taken it, he studies every night and makes me feel bad when the next day he knows stuff I should already know in dari...I guess at the same time it's a challenge to keep pushing forward with Dari.
I miss speaking Vietnamese, but Dari is definately a language I enjoy learning.
I'm still at the CIPE compound, right now it's just 70-year-old Ralph and me. But I do leave on Wendesday for a week, come back for 2 days and then my so longed-for-trip to England arrives and immediately after it my long-sought dream: India!!!
New Delhi and Rajasthan.
Ryan is still in Milan. Enjoying love and beauty...
Cristina left about 4 days ago. She's back in Rumania, though I'm pretty sure she'll make it back somehow.
Love is in the air between CIPE and our Design Center....yuhuuu!!!
Lima, our marketing director and Omaid, CIPE's grant officer are in love and have just gotten engaged. We've had a good laugh about it as know we can speak of a permanent collaboration between ATA and CIPE : P
The Design Center is AWESOME!!! We all rock! I think we just make a great professional, forward-thinking team, as well as the informal side, we get along, we joke too much and I just spend the day laughing, my kinda-work.
So I'm good. If you are worried about me, please don't be. I have a good life.
God is forever the utmost graceful-gentleman and I feel so fortunate to always be on the receiving end of His graceful blessings.
Thank you for your love and emails.

Living in a man's world

If you've been following up, you know I live with 3 other people. Ralph and Cristina from CIPE, and Ryan, the director for the design center, aka my boss.
Ralph is the chief of party for CIPE, and he is "the main boss".
CIPE( a US NGO) chose ATA to implement the design center for the Afghan Women's Business Federation.
Soo....today, an executive from the CIPE Washington office arrived.
Ralph made an itenerary for the time Gene(the executive's name) would be here.
So I took a look at her itinerary, and saw he had written down dinner for today with(and I quote) "Ryan Taylor, design center director and his assistant, Cristina".
Double ouch.
Assistant, ouch. Cristina__________(no last name). double ouch.
I've been living with them for crying out loud!
He doesn't even know what my position is, or my last name, and just assumes I am the assistant.
I'm in Afghanistan. I absolutely have no expecations from Afghan men to treat me with equality and/or respect.
But from an expat colleague? That's a different tale.
I can't even begin to tell you how big a pet peeve of mine this kind of mistake is.
The funny thing is I was making pancakes for all of us. Amidst stirring pancake batter I found out. Cristina was in the living room so I told her to come over and have some pancakes with me. Then I called Ryan to come over and have some too. Ryan arrived with Ralph.
So, me being a toro fuego( firey bull) immediately told Ralph, "I have a bone to pick with you!!!" And he looked very surprised and asked, "What?"
So I told him. He turned beet red.
But he never apologized. He said it was his mistake, and then tried to fix it making it worse, saying he was in a hurry, then saying that for him the word assistant meant so many great things, all kinds of crap, basically putting both feet in his mouth, to the point Ryan had to step in and tell him to stop, it wasn't going anywhere.
Then he almost told Cristina, consultant to CIPE and deputy director if she were to stay in Kabul, that she was an assistant too. Well, began to say assis...and then changed it.
A man's world indeed. A man's world from the 1920's. In all fairness Ralph is 70 years old. Still(I can hear Karla saying) he should know better.
All of us are doing equally important work, and bust our butts off working, have a good education, have international experience and here we, the women are the assistants. Cristina and I speak 8 languages between the 2, Ralph 1. I don't say this to be proud or demeaning, but I do say this to show how she and I, 65 years old between the 2 have not wasted our time, but have taken our work seriously and tried to inmerse in every way possible, including learning the language wherever we live. She learned Dari and I am in the process of learning. Most expats never bother to learn more than hello and thank you.
Cristina said that we are either assistants, secretaries or wives if seen working abroad. I guess that was not my experience in Vietnam. No such assumptions were ever made.
That's probably why I am here anyway, to continue learning what all the issues are for women to development and reach equality in this world.
I have vented enough, before the root of bitterness grows in me, I need to move down the line of forgiveness. Poor Ralph, I hope he learns something from this funny/not so funny faux pas.

Dealing with Kabuli on Ramazan Eve

September 12th-950pm Kabul time

It was on tv yesterday and the news spread very quickly. Ramazan was to be today. Everyone was excited. The Mullah in Saudi Arabia had looked at the moon and deemed it was thick enough.
The month of fasting was to kick off today, and was also a holiday. No eating or drinking(even water) during the day. Families eat after the sunsets.
Yesterday Besmallah, program manager for CIPE took me to look at 4 kittens he was given by relatives. Cristina from CIPE had told him I was wanting a kitten. So I went. None compared to my meo con Phillipe yet I still felt obliged to get one because I'd been taken all the way to his house which was like 45 minutes away one way.
So I chose one, a white and yellow one. I didn't choose over cuteness, I chose over quietness. He was the calmest looking one cause the other three were running around like wild cats.
So I chose him. I named him Kabuli.
He came home with me. He, like the rest of us living in Kabul, was filthy covered in dust. I bathed him, and since all I had was body shop shower gel so he got spa treatment lathering in mango scent.
As I bathed him I started to see fleas all over him. I started plucking them off with my tweezers. I got over 30 out. I checked him well and he looked pretty clean.
After the bath Ryan held him for a while. He seemed ok.
But then bedtime came along.
And then the nightmare began. I have never heard a kitten yowl as loud and as much as this one did. I'm too tired to give you the whole story, so to get to the point I wasn't able to go to sleep until 6am. Poor Cristina suffered as much as I did, as our rooms are next to each other. Finally at 6 am I took him to this room that's between the living/dining room and kitchen. I left him there and collapsed til 8am when Ms. Nikidar opened the door to my room. I was so startled. She wasn't supposed to be there, it was supposed to be the 1st day of Ramazan, she was supposed to be on holiday.
I saw her take my dirty laundry and leave. I thought, "Maybe she felt obliged to come and work the morning since we'll be without a helper for 3 days."
Then around 1030am Ryan knocked on my door. He wanted to let me know today was not the 1st day of Ramazan. The Mullah had looked again and realized the moon was not thick enough.
I must have looked like a 'cacho quemado'(slang for burnt out person-literal meaning: burnt horn) cause he quickly reassured me he was still letting us have the day off because we had worked on Sunday(Staff Planning retreat) and it had been a holiday.
So I was relieved.
I got up, did emailing, had a couple peaches for breakfast (yes, they are in season here and are SOOO tasty). Kabuli on the other hand, was lying on a towel, sound asleep. The culprit looking as the most innocent kitten.
After lunch( 2 burritos, yes! Jane, an ATA consultant brought me a ton of mexican foodstuff), I went to the office to get some books and ran to a supermarket. Before leaving I went to Besmallah's office and told him I couldn't handle Kabuli. I had to give him back. Thankfully, Ralph, the country director for CIPE was pretty upset with the kitty and really wanted me to give it back. So Besmallah understood and took him back.
For those of you who know me well, let me just say: "I've never been more relieved to get rid of a kitty!!!" It was a nightmare.
He peed on me, on Ryan, cried non-stop for over 12 hours at the top of his lungs....It was a harsh 24-hours.
Farewell to thee Kabuli, I ain't gonna miss you.
So, after all the fanfare, I am now resting in the living room. Tomorrow is(so far) Ramazan and we DO have the day off plus Friday as it is the only day off during the week, so I get 3 days off this week.
Truthfully, it never really feels like time off. I still have to stay put at the CIPE house and I keep myself busy with work stuff, specially emailing and reading up on material that is useful for my DMP.
But I CAN sleep in tomorrow and I sure WILL.
Yippie!
So Ramazan eve turned out to be a pretty interesting day. Starting tomorrow Afghans will fast all day long. Thank goodness we will still have Mohammed cooking for us.
I wonder if he sneaks food into his mouth while cooking. I'd love to know. Will probably never find out.
Anyway, I'm off to relax a bit more before calling it a night.

The looongest Sunday

Staff Planning Retreat 830am to 5pm.

Yes, this was my Sunday. And of retreat nothing but the title.
Yes, it is absolutely necessary. Specially after the project with only 7 months of life has undergone so many changes.
We met all day to come up with a unified vision statement for the design center, to review every staff member's job description so we'd be clear on who's responsible for what, discuss plans from now to December, make a schedule of all our activities, have each department share their upcoming plans, etc.
I have to admit bluntly: I AM A VISUAL LEARNER. To sit down and listen to people plan and share from 8 to 5 is not my cup of tea. Yea, yea, very necessary. The irony of it all is that when my turn came to share, it was 5pm and we'd run out of time. I sat and waited and waited to get the space to share the design department's goals and plans, and the space never came. Go figure!
I'd been planning since Friday. Had everything written down, had decided on what to share. The day came and went and my chance never arrived.
I'm almost laughing.
Like I said before, it is a month. I have been here a month, and I feel it.
I've been frustrated this week from hearing the word 'failure' mentioned more than a couple of times, and my enthusiasm for the work I am doing got pinched like a needle to a balloon, because to hear members of the team feel the work we do will lead to nothing really desinflates my energy level.
But I gotta get it back. And I know it.
Surely tomorrow it will come back. Tomorrow and Tuesday I begin my elements of design classes to association members. Tomorrow will be to 3 associations, and Tuesday to 1.
Surely after these experiences I will be filled with air again as a balloon getting patched.
Moving on to share about my personal life, the time has come to make a move. I believe next week I will be moving to a new house. The CIPE compound house is comfortable enough. I have an internet connection in my room, Miss Nikidar cleans my room, does my laundry, even irons! Mohammed the cook has a home-made dinner every night(full of carbs, yet still counts), we have cable tv, a work-out room complete with a treadmill(my favorite-though haven't used it much). Yet, it is empty, lonely and the people in it are about to leave or spend most of their time in their office in front of a computer. And it is the only place I am at when not at work. Gets pretty lonely. Plus when we are together all we do is talk about work and Afghan issues, we mostly fill our heads with stress. Not a good recipe for people planning to live in this very isolated place for a year.
Cristina Grecu leaves in a week and half, she'll be coming back as a consultant but for short periods of time. Ralph is moving back to the US on October 10th as his wife is sick and will not do the year he had planned. Ryan, my boss, is going to Milan on the 16th and returning on October 10th. So it'd just be him and I on his return and that ain't a good combo either.
So, I found out about this house, 2 women live there, Khatdija and Nika, the 1st canadian(I think from Indian parents) and Nika from Iran. They both work for NGO's and will be here for another year.
They had been looking for a 3rd housemate so I think it's a match. The house is quite nice.
So I'm about 90 percent sure I'll be making the move as soon as Cristina from CIPE moves.
I know I need a space in Kabul that has nothing to do with work. It can get intoxicating. And a burn-out arrives much sooner than expected under such circumstances.
Anyways, as you can probably tell from this post today was more than a loooong day.
Can't wait for tomorrow when my real work begins. Real meaning the work I enjoy, the part I know I am good at.
This Wednesday or Thursday(depending on the Mullah in Saudi Arabia) Ramadan begins. This will be an interesting month.
Nobody eats or drinks during the day. People go home early(2pm) to begin preparing dinner as it's their only mean during the day.
Yes, yes...amidst looong Sundays I am definately living interesting times.

Karla...big sister

I have a sister
She reaches out to give me hope.
I have a sister
She with love touches my soul.
I have a sister
One with whom I never feel alone.
I have a sister
She, who comforts and fills me whole.
I have a sister
Warm, full of sky, full of sun.
I have a sister
With me, at all times, wherever I go.

After one month

Today marks a month of my arrival. A month gone so fast, a month which toured me amongst such a colorful road, so full of new people, places, food, colors, textures. My, it did go fast yet so much has gone out of me and into me.
Life is just not the same. My expectations have changed.
I am realizing how much I have to simplify my expectations and my way of treating others. And this is a lesson I am thankful for.
Everyday I am trying to remind myself to treat others like I wish they would treat me. I am reminding myself to let by-gones be by-gones, and that each day should start with a clean slate.
My expectations of what we can accomplish need to be flexible, because sometimes I am happily surprised and other times I am disappointed. But isn't life so much better when we are happily surprised?
I am disappointed when my expectations are high but when I just wait to see what happens and the results are good, or even great, wow do I feel encouraged.
We are setting up a store at the women's market. The design center has shared responsability for establishing the store. The center did not want to do the store but the women's business federation really pushed for it. So it was agreed.
I arrived, and the feelings at the center have been that the store will be a failure, but the federation expects the store to be a key component to their sustainability. I think both expectations are in opposite extremes. I just want to aid in the setup, walk with the women whom we train to do inventory, keep records, tag, etc. and then see how they do. It is more a learning experience than a mere success or failure.
After a month I feel like I am way in the middle of the design center and the women's federation.
The foreign ideas are one extreme and the local ideas are another. How do we merge and seek success as a team?
And I having walked on both sides before, feel that neither is quite right, but both possess a lot of truth. Part of me saying all of this is feeling that after a month, I see a tug of war.
And all I want is to train local women who hand make their products.
But the politics in between sandwich me and my work and instead of me being able o set up and start have to spend a lot of time and energy on talking and figuring things out on both sides.
Then the women who await training seem to always be the ones on the loosing end as because of external complications we can't reach them or we cut short the time to be spent with them.
All of this can really wear you down.
I want to remain optimistic, and when I am around them, when I visit them, it is exactly what I want, what I wish to be doing.
But when I am away from them everything seems to get so complicated.
My aim for September is to be as close to the local associations as possible. It will be an interesting month to start training as it is RAMADAN. Employees are allowed to go home at 2, specially for the women, as they have to cook a feast for the family to eat after the sun sets. So our trainings will be from 8 to 2 with no tea breaks or lunch in between. I wonder how much concentration the women can do.
In October I am flying to be with the Quan and Maria Nguyen and their lovely kids. I'll be in England for 10 days, then fly back to Kabul to leave the next day to New Delhi for the India market readiness program, I'll walk the trade show as well as be part of a market and raw material sourcing tour to take place right after the training program. My first time to England. My first time to India.
Life just keeps getting more interesting with time, and I continue to be toured around all kinds of newness.